I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
