If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
