You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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