there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
