Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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