Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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