I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
