my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
