i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
