I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
