Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
