when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
