I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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