he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
