What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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