Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
