Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
