You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
its liver damage thursday
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