Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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