I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
