i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
