I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
