At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
