I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
