How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
