Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
