i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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