ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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