she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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