someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
