it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
