nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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