can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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