Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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