how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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