Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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