Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
