And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
