You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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