Soap is not a condiment
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Man, jail baloney is awful.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
