You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
