Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
