i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
