Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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