there's paper in my vomit.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
