i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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