New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
