I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
