hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
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you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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