K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
