just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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