mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
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Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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