Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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