atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
