I think im going to throw up on grandma
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
