I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
don't judge my taste in strippers
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
