DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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