I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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