just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize