life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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