k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
